


Proctology

by Shikyoin



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game), Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, M/M, ass doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shikyoin/pseuds/Shikyoin
Summary: Hisoka's had chronic ass pain for almost a month... Can Yumenosaki's top fake doctor help him?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while listening to the adventure zone. shoutout to v*** who wants to stay anonymous

For almost a month, Hisoka had been in excruciating pain. Under normal circumstances he would've booked an appointment to see a doctor within a few days, but the pain he was experiencing right now was in a rather uncomfortable place. That place was his rectum. Going to see a doctor about that would hurt his pride immensely, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Hisoka wasn't the kind of man to give up, though. Perhaps his friend, Akehoshi Subaru, would know of someone who could help. He was useless most of the time, but when it came to ass related problems he was Hisoka's go to guy.

Hisoka reached into his pocket, took out his phone and called Subaru. If he didn’t know what to do, then this ass pain might just kill Hisoka. He paced back and forth, waiting for Subaru to pick up his phone. _Come on, come on…_ Hisoka thought to himself. This was urgent! How could Subaru keep him waiting at a time like this? 

“Hello? Who is this?” Subaru picked up his phone at last.

“Good afternoon, it’s me, Hisoka.” Hisoka replied hastily. He was in no mood for small talk; he needed to make every second count, or else his ass might kill him. “Could you help me with something, Subaru-kun?”

“Of course! Are you alright? You seem quite stressed out…” Subaru fretted “How can I help you?” 

“Well you see, Subaru-kun…” Hisoka began “For about a month now I’ve been having these dreadful pains… Now you may be thinking ‘why not just go to the doctor?’, and that’s reasonable, yes, but you know… The location of these pains… Is my rectum.” Hisoka braced himself for a barrage of amused remarks from Subaru.

“Oh, is that all?” Subaru chirped, to Hisokas surprise “I know just the guy for that! Don’t worry, Hisoka, you’ll be fixed up in no time!” 

“O-oh really?!” Hisoka felt a mixture of shock and relief flood through his body “Thank you so much, Subaru-kun, could you tell me about this guy?”

“Sure, sure! His name’s Izumi Sena!” Continued Subaru in a cheerful tone “He seems pretty scary, but he’ll get the job done and your poop chute’ll be better in no time! Here’s his address, write it down.” Hisoka grabbed a pen and wrote down the location that Subaru gave him. 

“Thank you so much, Subaru-kun, Goodbye!!” Hisoka put down the phone and let out a sigh of relief. He’d been completely and utterly convinced that his ass would kill him, but perhaps this Izumi fellow could prevent that. He looked at the address he had written down, if you could even call it that. “Yumenosaki dump…” What kind of ass doctor- or any doctor for that matter- was based in the trash heap out back of a school? Hisoka sighed. It may have seemed strange, but it was his only hope, so he’d check it out anyway.

A few hours passed and Hisoka finally set out for the Yumenosaki dump. What wonders would await him there? Even the rats at such a prestigious school must be sparkling and fancy! Hisoka made his way to the back of the school grounds. Class was in session so there weren’t many people to avoid. Peering round the final corner, Hisoka gasped in surprise. There in front of him was the man, the myth, the legend himself- Izumi Sena- with his hand deep inside an orange haired boy’s backside. 

“What the fuck?!” Hisoka exclaimed; He was so in shock that he completely forgot he was being sneaky. “Oh god- did I walk in on something intimate?! I’m so sorry...” 

“Wahahaha! We gave him a real shock, didn’t we, Sena!?” Leo, the orange haired boy, lifted his head up and smiled brightly. It would’ve been pretty cute if he didn’t have an arm deep inside his asshole. “So, what can we do for ya, clown man?”

“Actually I’m here to see the doctor...uh...Izumi Sena, I believe?” Hisoka replied hastily. “How long are you two going to take? This is a life or death situation!” 

“Hold up, wait a minute- you’re here for THIS?” Leo gestured towards his ass. “Hey, Sena, you offer this service to other people? I thought what we had was special!” His voice was beginning to crack.

“Hey now, hey now, calm down Ou-sama.” Izumi scolded Leo, pulling his arm out quickly. “I can’t turn down a guy in need. It’s nothing nasty, just a medical procedure, you know? We can go for another round later if it makes you feel better” he rubbed Leo’s shoulders in an attempt to sooth him. 

Leo got up and put his pants back on. Is he crying? Hisoka wondered, furrowing his brow. 

“Goodbye for noooooow!” Leo’s voice faded as he ran into the distance, rat tail flowing in the wind behind him.

“Ah, I’ll see him later.” Izumi mumbled and shook his head. “Anyway, what can I do for you? Hurry up! Class is soon, you know?”

“Well,” Hisoka began, perching on a broken trashcan. He told Izumi every detail about his ass problem; from when it started, to how he got here.

“I see, I see…” Izumi muttered. “That brat from Trickstar told you? Fucking Akehoshi Subaru… I can’t believe he found out about my secret job!” He was pacing back and forth, practically seething at this point. “Anyway! Lie down on the table and take your pants off.” 

The ‘table’ in question was a hodgepodge of random metal trashcan parts glued together to make a vaguely table-like structure. It didn’t look stable at all, but Hisoka didn't have any time to lose. The world was starting to spin and he was beginning to feel sick. He stripped his lower half and positioned himself face down on the so-called table.

Izumi jammed his hand into Hisoka’s asshole and felt around. “Ah! This is a real problem!” He walked around the table so that he was face to face with Hisoka. “Uh….You’ve got maggots up there, you know? Were you aware of this?” 

“What?! For real?!” Hisoka was having a hard time believing him. It had to be some sick joke, right? “Oh my… It must’ve been that steak I ate at dinner with Pariston. I’d heard rumors about him selling Chimera Ant corpse meat in place of livestock meat for profit, but I didn’t want to believe it… That sparkly bastard.” 

Izumi sighed and rested one sticky hand on his hip. “Well, sorry for the bad news, but you’re going to die. Soon, too. In the next hour or so, maybe? Have you started to feel sick yet?”

“Y-yes, I-” He was interrupted as he started throwing up intensely. It was a sickly brown color and had some glitter in it. “Mother fucker- it really _was_ Pariston!”

Hisoka scrambled up from the makeshift table, pulled on his pants (backwards), and ran away in an attempt to get home. As he sprinted towards the Yumenosaki front gate, he started seeing double. The world was spinning even more than it had been before, and his legs were hardly working. 

_Thud_. Every single student looked towards the center of the school grounds; Hisoka was dead. No one truly knew what happened that day, but fear was instilled in all as they saw Eichi Tenshouin carrying Hisoka’s dead body back to his home and locking his bedroom door behind him...


End file.
